This is the second post in my series exploring the 10 Daily Habits of Exceptionally Happy People, For the past two weeks I’ve been concentrating on the idea of not saying yes when I really mean no.
Quite honestly, this was a pretty difficult task for me. I’ve been very, very guilty of saying yes to more things than I could ever complete. At one point, when my kids were much younger I got talked into coaching seven youth soccer teams at the time. Five of them made sense, I had kids on those teams…but I was also coaching two teams where none of the kids were my own. I actually coached all seven teams through both a Fall and Spring season. The league was pretty accommodating, making sure that I didn’t have any games that overlapped, but there was a ton of driving (more like NASCAR Racing) between fields. In retrospect I realize that my kids got the short end of the stick. I was so busy working with seven teams of 14-17 players that my six athletes didn’t get enough of my time.
That experience led me into the next year, which I dubbed the year of “Just say Maybe”. For that entire year, every time I was asked to do something of any significance, I said “Maybe”. Then I would consult my calendar and my family to see what they thought. Then I would assess whether accepting this new responsibility aligned with the goals that I had set for myself. If I had the time, the family was on board, and it matched my goals, I would get back to the organizer/asker and accept the commitment. If any one of those wasn’t a match, I would decline.
People were so used to me always saying yes, always taking on responsibilities, and always going above and beyond that I took a lot of heat for saying no. I actually lost some friends and angered some parents whose kids I’d coached for years. I didn’t take the criticism very well at first, and the angered parents still haunt me to this day. But I did make some tough decisions that year, and our family was better for it.
That was several years ago, and recently I’ve noticed that I’ve got far more on my plate than I can accomplish anywhere near as well as I would like. So I’ve been working to divest myself of some responsibilities and activities that just don’t fit. Once again, I’ve been taking heat. One parent actually had the gall to say “But half your kids are in college now, you have tons of time”. As if having kids in college completely frees you from any interaction with them!
So a couple of weeks ago, I really started to think about the “yes” and “no” answers in my life. I carefully considered every single request that I received, and spent a great deal of time trying to determine if the request matched my larger goals. Of course, that meant that I really had to assess what those larger goals are.
Oddly, just thinking about saying “no” has led me to a very deep introspection about what I’m trying to accomplish with my life and what kind of legacy I want to leave. It’s kind of funny to think that saying “no” has led me a very deep exploration of what my real purpose is.
I’ve also noticed that I’m much more serious and engaged with those activities I’ve accepted. I’ve truly committed to them. In the past, I would often say “yes” and then engage in a half-hearted way. I would end up slightly involved, but I wouldn’t be proud or pleased with the result of my partial effort. Over the past few weeks, I’ve been much more engage in the activities that I’ve accepted. And most importantly, I’m really proud of the results that I’ve achieved.
Sure, I’m not doing as many individual tasks as I’ve become accustomed to. But every one of them that I’m involved in has my full attention and energy. Honestly, I think everybody is better off for this higher degree of involvement. And somewhat unsurprisingly, I’m happier about it. So maybe I’m beginning to move towards being one of the Exceptionally Happy People that are referenced in the list from which this comes from.
How about you, have you considered not saying yes when you mean no? Maybe it’s time that you think about it…and couple that with really enthusiastic “yes” answers to those things that you want to commit to!
Make it a great day!
