A couple weeks ago, I started blogging about Work Life IMbalance and had originally intended to focus on one of the 10 Habits of Exceptionally Happy People for each of the 12 weeks of the Work Life IMbalance experiment. If you’ve been reading along, you may remember that I discovered that I had bitten off more than I could chew in one series, so this post is the first post about the habit that I’ve focused on recently. I’m taking the habits in reverse order. In case you don’t know what the habits are, here’s a refresher:

• I will not blame other people – for anything.
• I will not check my phone while I’m talking to someone.
• I will not multitask during a meeting.
• I will not interrupt.
• I will not waste time on people who make no difference in my life.
• I will not be distracted by multiple notifications.
• I will not whine.
• I will not let the past control my future.
• I will not wait until I’m convinced I will succeed.
• I will not talk behind another person’s back.
• I will not say yes when I really mean no.
• I will not be afraid.

For the past week plus, I’ve been focusing on the habit I will not be afraid. This was especially pertinent as I was in the midst of two weeks of travel from semi-rural Kansas (Hutchinson, KS if you want to look it up on a map) to Jersey City, NJ and the surrounding area. The reason for my travel was to visit my oldest daughter, who has lived in that area for just over a year.

Having grown up around Chicago, I thought I knew what it was like to be around a lot of people. But that “growing up” happened over 35 years ago. Things are different today, and I’m also become very comfortable living in the Midwest.

For the first couple of days, I was constantly aware of the sheer number of people who were everywhere. There were all sorts of different people, and the sidewalks were always choked. I was always attuned to being bumped and jostled. I was concerned about pickpockets, and constantly checked my phone and wallet in my pockets. I was hyper-alert to everyone around me. Frankly, it was exhausting…employing “constant vigilance”, as Alastor Moody from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire would say, was wearing me out.

So I dug deep and started to remind myself that this week was about not being afraid. I found myself muttering it to myself for a while, then just repeating it in my head. I’m sure the muttering scared off any would-be pickpockets. Through all of this, I continued to remind myself that I wouldn’t be afraid. I would be cautious, but not fearful. It was strange to walk along the street and not make eye-contact with people. It was weird to not say hi to strangers. I’m a true Midwesterner at heart, and as a friend cautioned me, I’m very trusting, very friendly, and tend to look people in the eye. That’s not how things are done in The City, as we learned to call NYC. In Jersey City and even more so in Hoboken, there was a lot more eye contact, and I even talked to a few people on the street. By no means everyone, but many more than I spoke to in NYC.

Our somewhat spontaneous, and definitely fluid plans led us to many different restaurants. We ventured into Central Park and took the better part of the day to just wander around. We even did that without a map. It was oddly relaxing to me. One thing we were amazed about Central Park was how the park could be so close to 5th avenue, yet the sounds of the city were all but non-existent. 

Despite all the stories that I’ve heard about Central Park, I felt oddly safe there. It was a haven in the midst of the hustle and bustle of a huge city. It was a haven from the noise and commotion, but also seemed to be somewhat of a haven from the tenseness that everyone felt. It was oddly relaxed and serene in Central Park despite how closely the city lay beyond its boundaries. I found myself repeating my mantra less and less in the park.

We exited the park and visited the iconic Apple Store. Unlike my other travels, I had done no research on the store. I didn’t realize that the entire store, below the glass cube, was underneath the sidewalk and street. I knew that the Apple Stores are the most profitable per-foot retail stores in the world, and that this particular store was one of the most profitable Apple Stores, but I had no idea what that meant in terms of actual transactions. Five minutes inside the store showed me why. It was jammed with people. There were products available to testing, touching, and exploring. And every product had several people looking at it. The sales staff were extremely helpful, and even when it was obvious that we weren’t actually going to purchase, we never felt rushed. We did gather some vital information as to the relative benefits of the Apple MacAir vs the MacBook Pro. The sales guy spent about 45 minutes with us, and at no point did I feel pressured to buy. Of course, if my finances had allowed for it, I would have bought a number of products.

Upon exiting the store I discovered that F.A.O. Schwartz was next-door. I convinced my middle daughter, in very spontaneous fashion, that we needed to go in there. Within the span of the 100 yards that separate the two stores I tried to convey the importance of the store and the movie Big starring a very young Tom Hanks. If you have’t seen the movie, go watch it. Also know that Zoltan is properly displayed in the store, and the musical piano is on one of the upper floors. And despite the fact that the store was jammed, it never felt crowded. I would venture to say that F.A.O. Schwartz is in the running for some of the most profitable retail space per square foot after it’s neighboring Apple store. Golly, a lot of product was moving through the doors.

Throughout the week my middle daughter and I explored the area. We ventured to places without planning. By the weekend we felt pretty confident that we knew how to get around, and the addition of my older daughter made the travel that much easier. She definitely has an amazing grasp of the public transportation system.

We took a sightseeing bus tour that started at just south of Central Park and culminated at the southernmost tip of Manhattan. We rode the ferry to see the Statue of Liberty. We toured on the bus back up to Central Park. We went into stores on the spur of the moment. We ate whatever appealed to us, whenever it appealed to us. We lived without a plan.

And as the week went on, I found myself repeating my mantra of “Do not be afraid” less and less.

I traveled back to Kansas a few days ago, but will be turning around to drive one of my other daughters back to school in Maine starting today. We will spend three or four days back in NJ/NYC, and I’m sure the thoughts that gripped me regarding “constant vigilance” will arise in my mind once again. But I also know that it’s not nearly as scary a place as it seemed at first. Frankly, I’m kind of looking forward to going back!