People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness.
Just because they’re not on your road doesn’t mean they’ve gotten lost.
~Dalai Lama

This past week, I had the opportunity to drive nearly 1,900 miles for one of my college senior daughters. I say “opportunity” in all seriousness. It may sound like a lot to you, but in my life it’s just another thing to do. The “opportunity” arose because she had a Fall break, and for the first time in four years, she was able to come home for a couple of days. She’s a soccer player at Buena Vista University in Storm Lake, IA, and they’ve always had games and practices over that period. Since this was her Senior year in college, we went up for Senior day. She was also allowed to miss practice on Monday so that she could complete a class assignment that required a trip back to Kansas.

The best part of the trip was on Tuesday when we drove from our home in Hutchinson, KS to Lawrence (about three hours) and then drove another five hours on to Storm Lake. We were able to talk about her post-graduate plans, life, and lots of other stuff. We don’t have very many opportunities to have those sorts of long, drawn-out discussions without interruption, so it was great.

During the trip, we talked a lot about her journey to this point in her life, as well as the journey ahead. It looks like graduate school is in the cards, but she’s not exactly sure where. She’s sort of sure what she wants to study, so even the area of inquiry is kind of open. Quite honestly, that’s one of the dangers of being so gifted and well-rounded…there are so many options.

You also have to know her to understand that she really wants to make the single, right decision. It’s still a bit hard for her to recognize that throughout life you are constantly adjusting where you’re headed. You make a decision, follow it, and then make another decision. She’s still at the point where her life seems more like a railroad.

And that got us to talking about that topic. I was really struggling to explain my perception of my life’s journey as a way for her to understand what life is really like.

When you’re in elementary school, you’re definitely on a railroad track. you are sent directly from one area of learning to another (classroom to classroom, subject to subject) during a school year, and then the tracks lead you to another grade (teacher to teacher).

As you enter middle school and high school, there are some options, you’re no longer on the straight and narrow railroads of your early years, but rather have moved off the tracks onto roadways with splits and crossings, merges and diversions. Sometimes you make a turn, end up on a wrong road, and go back, sometimes you find another road. Generally though, you’re still moving along a route to a particular destination. The way is fairly well lit and well marked. In the case of high school you even have a well-defined destination: Graduation.

At that point you’re at the end of the clearly delineated roads and you’ve entered the footpaths of life. You’ve got decisions to make about what happens after high school. Junior College, Military, Trade School, Job, University, living in Mom & Dad’s basement playing video games all day, etc. (don’t worry, that last option isn’t open at the Hectic Household…not only will we charge rent, we’re awful parents and would make any home-stayers work).

There are lots of paths to choose from, but the journeys are somewhat directed. The steps to take are still illuminated, the way is fairly clear of obstacles, someone has gone this way before. What you have to do is pretty clear. Do this, then that, followed by that and you’ll be on your way. Honestly, the path is pretty smooth. Sure there are bumps and potholes, twists and turns, but overall this phase of life isn’t that awful.

But then you reach a point where the possibilities are almost endless. There are so many options that the analogy to footpaths doesn’t really work anymore. In fact, the idea that there is any form of path to follow pretty much disappears.

This is where you’ve reached the end of the footpath and where you enter the jungle. The future is obscured by all sorts of things. There may appear to be paths, but they are overgrown, and after a short while, you lose them in the underbrush. You can’t really see the final goal. You may have an idea of where it is, but it’s definitely out of sight.

It’s at this point where there are amazing opportunities, and terrifying dangers. If you lose your way, you have to adjust. Frankly, you have to adjust constantly. That’s life. It’s exciting and terrifying at the same time. There isn’t a single path to follow. People you meet can tell you how they got to where you met them, but none of us can really foretell the future nor do we have great advice on how to get to where we’re going. Let alone where somebody else is going.

But that’s where you have to rely on your compass. It can tell you which way is North. It can tell you which direction you need to head to achieve your goals. When you have to detour because of some obstacle, you can always refer back to your compass so that you can adjust your trek towards those goals.

And when you get right down to it, that’s where my job as a Dad is really based. In helping my kids find their compass and then teaching them how to use it.

I won’t be there every step of the journey. I wasn’t there every minute when they were on the train tracks of elementary school. Sure I was there at the end of the day when they had questions. I drove them to school and we talked about their days. When they were on the roads of middle school and high school I was there when they needed me, and even times when they thought they didn’t. I spent nights and mornings, and even some daylight hours helping them learn how to use their compass and how to discern where the North should be for them. I made myself available, but it was up to them to get my help. I’d offer, but not push.

The transition to the footpaths of college opened up new opportunities for the kids, but our communications were hampered by distance. I was there for them, and I offered advice along the way, but their footpaths were their own. By this point most of the kids had a firm grip on their compass and had a pretty good idea of where their North was.

In a few short months, I will have three who have completed their undergraduate degrees, and they will be traversing the jungles of their post-graduate years. I’m confident that they have the tools to move forward in life. I’m certain that they have their compass and a great idea of where they are headed. I’ve equipped them with metaphorical flares that they can fire off so that I can find them and guide them as best I can. But I’m also on a journey through the jungle, and I certainly don’t have all the answers.

Some days I wonder if I have any of the answers. But more importantly, I hope that I’ve given my kids the tools to navigate through the jungle of their lives. I hope that I’ve helped them discover how to use their compass and how to find their North. With kids ranging in age from 24 to 11, I know my job is nowhere near to finished…I just hope I’m up to the task.

So as we’re all traveling from our railroads to roads to footpaths to jungles, how are you doing? What’s worked and what hasn’t worked for you?