Don’t jump all over me after you read this. I love my wife, I respect her, and I realize she’s ultra-busy. But…

There are four teensy things that drive me crazy about her. I’ve told her what they are. I’ve pleaded with her to change. I’ve even explained why they matter. I’ve given up trying to get her to change. I’ve decided to live with them and consciously undo them every time they happen. But I have to get this off my chest.

What are they?

• Leaving the toilets open
• Not putting the new toilet paper roll on the spindle
• Leaving clothes on the floor after she’s mowed the grass
• Not recording mileage from her car

By way of explanation, the first three are concerns because we have a toddler living in our house again. It’s been over ten years since our youngest was a toddler. At that time we had these same issues. The toilet matters because Hectic Grandson has discovered water and loves to play in the toilet. I’m trying to proactively avoid him flushing toys and such so we need to keep the toilets closed.

The second one is related. When she puts the new toilet paper roll on top of the spindle, it’s great ammunition for Hectic Grandson to toss into the toilet. Not only does it waste a roll, it makes a huge mess. The only saving grace is that she’s not putting the roll on with the paper hanging off the back.

Clothing makes a great addition to any open toilet in Hectic Grandson’s opinion. More importantly, we have a preponderance of poison ivy, poison oak, and poison sumac on our 14 acres. I’d hate for our little guy to get any of those.

The last item is entirely standalone. We’re trying to do a better job of maintaining our automobiles. To that end, I have to know the mileage since the last oil change and last tire rotation. I don’t drive her car on a regular basis, so I need her to provide me with the mileage so that I can track it in our spreadsheet. This allows me to schedule periodic maintenance for her car.

But lest you hate me, I’m being proactive. I’ve given up explaining (which she calls nagging). I simply go through the house several times a day and put the toilet lids down. I even do it without grumbling. I put the toilet paper roll on the spindle and say a small prayer that I get to choose the direction. That makes my world a better place. I pick up her mowing clothes with a grateful heart, appreciating the fact that she mows the close-in 2 acres (leaving the outer 12 to me). Finally, I check the mileage on her car each Sunday and record it in my spreadsheet.

And thus we have a harmonious life!