I’ve had my share of brilliant ideas. Like using a spoon to feed Hectic Grandson a banana but keeping the banana in the peel. It’s portable and far less messy that way. Or putting all our cold weather gear in clear plastic buckets in the back of the van so it stays folded, organized, and clean. Both are small, but brilliant ideas that have had a positive impact on our hectic lives.

On the other hand, I’ve had a lot more bad ideas. Rollerblading down the gravel driveway comes to mind. Putting the ladder on cinder blocks so that it would reach the roof (works fine going up…coming down was another story). Repeatedly not packing soon enough before trips and having to do laundry…delaying our departure is another one in my Hall of Shame.

But sometimes, there’s an idea that appears absolutely fantastic on its face, but turns out to be a dud. Not a spectacular failure, just a disappointment. Something that normal people just chalk up to experience.

I, on the other hand, record it so I can write a blog post.

So the other night, I had completed my stationary cycling workout. I like to call it a workout, because I’m in our exercise room, I’m on the stationary bike, and I’m ostensibly doing work. In reality, I’m sitting on my butt watching a movie. I am sitting on the stationary bike and I am pedaling. I’m even pedaling at 17-18 miles per hour and I do it for 45 minutes to an hour. But in all honesty, it’s not much of a workout for me. I’ve started increasing the resistance, so my time on the bike is beginning to approach being a workout, but to call it a workout and retain any honor is still a few weeks away.

But I digress, I was doing my workout (honor is overrated) and had gotten pretty hungry. Like everybody else, I’ve read all about pre-workout and post-workout nutrition. So I was dutifully going over my options for what I should eat after my workout. You know, like a real athlete.

I contemplated the peanut butter protein balls I’d made last week, the expensive protein bars I’d bought at the store, a hunk of ham (don’t judge), a bowl of cottage cheese. Finally I began to think about protein shakes. We have all the ingredients, and even have a Magic Bullet so the production of a protein shake is really easy. Then my mind drifted a bit. We have eggnog. Wonderful eggnog. That sweet nectar of Christmas. And…it’s the same consistency as a protein shake with the added benefit that it’s already prepared. Just like you, I’m fully aware that the window of effectiveness for a post-workout shake is very short, so convenience and speed are key. Eggnog fit that bill perfectly! (Remember, I was nearing the end of my workout, so we’re going to blame the bad decision-making on hypoxia. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it!)

So I completed my workout with a post-workout nutrition plan. I made my way into the kitchen and poured a 12 ounce glass of eggnog. Then I saw the Oreos. Not just any Oreos, but Double Stuf Oreos.

That’s where I completely came off the rails. I was holding an ice-cold glass of eggnog. It felt like a glass of heavyweight milk. It sort of looked like milk. And the Double Stuf Oreos were beckoning to me. If Oreos dunked in milk are good, imagine how great they would be dunked in eggnog. Just imagine!

Remembering how important it is to get your post-workout nutrition on board right away after a workout, I grabbed the Double Stuf Oreos and dunked the first one. Knowing that eggnog is thicker than the 1% milk that we drink at the Hectic Household, I increased my dunking count from 10 to 20 seconds. (Yes, I do the 1-Mississippi, 2-Mississippi, etc. count so that I can ensure consistent saturation of my Oreos…doesn’t everybody?).

I removed the Double Stuf Oreo from the eggnog. It glimmered in the kitchen light, with a faintly cream-colored hue. It looked glorious, utterly glorious. Like Pavlov’s dogs, I began to salivate. I imagined the wonderful taste explosion that was about to occur in my mouth. I could hardly wait. Slowly, I moved the sweetly saturated Oreo to my mouth. I could smell the deliciousness that is eggnog intermingled with the delight that is Oreo. The aroma was almost overwhelming. I finally took a bite.

It was gross.

I don’t mean a small yucky, like a slightly muddy shoe. I don’t mean a medium icky, like dirty dishwater. I don’t even mean a large yucky, like opening that moldy container from the fridge. I mean the Big Gulp Gross. Like the kind of stuff that you don’t talk about with your family gross. Not just the gross you don’t talk about at work or with friends, but the kind that you don’t want to tell anybody about because it makes your spine shiver. It makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up. It makes you want to wipe your mouth out with Clorox wipes…that kind of gross.

Of course, for good measure I ate all four cookies dunked in the eggnog, just to make sure I wasn’t overreacting on the first one.

Let the record show that I wasn’t overreacting. Consider yourself warned, Double Stuf Oreos dunked in eggnog are gross. Period.

So what’s the take-away? What’s the lesson to be learned here, other than the obvious don’t dunk Oreos in eggnog? To me, the obvious lesson is that sometimes two really great things just don’t go together. Like oil and water, they just don’t mix. That goes for actions as well as foods. Texting and driving is an example. That one is pretty obvious, despite how many of us act when behind the wheel and our phone goes off. Drinking and driving too.

But some aren’t that obvious. Over-extending and the holidays comes to mind. It’s the time of year when we all want to do good things, have a great set of decorations, and over-reach trying to make family and friends happy. We want to share and give and be good people…but sometimes it’s far too easy to just try to do too much. Then things don’t work out as planned and it turns out badly.

And you get Oreos dunked in eggnog.

So enjoy your Oreos this Christmas season. Have a glass of eggnog on me. Just don’t mix them together. Most of all, enjoy the time with family and friends. Don’t stress over the little things (or the big things, for that matter).

Make it a Merry Christmas, folks!