As I’ve mentioned before, we are a very competitive family. The kids have participated in so many sports it’s hard to recount them all. They are all great athletes, and we’ve competed at the state, regional, national and even international level in sports as diverse as Track & Field, Swimming, Soccer, Volleyball and Tae Kwon Do. In fact, not only have the kids competed at those levels, but we have trophies, medals, and ribbons they’ve earned for placing at the highest levels. I don’t really think about it all that much, but when I do, it blows me away.
You see, we don’t just go out for sports to participate. We don’t just go out to compete a little. We, as a family, are out to win. While things don’t always work out that way, the lessons learned are pretty impressive and are very long lasting.
It’s funny, but as a family we don’t think about the goals that we set. The kids expect to win, so anything short of that sometimes feels like failure. It has taken all of us collectively a long time to recognize that placing in the top eight at a national event is really a big deal. Sometimes we focus so much on the winning that we lose sight of the accomplishment of just being there.
It’s really something that I’ve been focusing on teaching the kids for a couple of years now. Steve Jobs talked about “The journey is the reward”, and I’ve really taken that to heart. Don’t get me wrong, I still want my kids to win…not for me, but for themselves. As a reward for the hard work, dedication, and sacrifices that they’ve made. It’s not about me. I’m going to be there to cheer them on whether they’re the first over the finish line or the last. I’ve finally gotten to the point where I have realized that what they learn from competing at the next level is just as important as any hardware or ribbons that they bring home.
It’s also led us to a new approach about competitions. It’s easiest to explain by way of example. My oldest son is currently a Senior in High School. He plays football, wrestles, runs track & field, and weight lifts competitively. He went to the school-sponsored State events in all four sports last year. It was a really big deal to us. Wrestling is his winter sport, and it brought a new perspective to us last season that we’d never really had before. Jared has wrestled since he was six years old. That’s twelve years of the same sport, and honestly wrestling techniques don’t change all that much over time. Sure, moves get refined and he knows the names for all the moves now, but pretty much everything he learned during his kindergarten year he still uses today.
But while things haven’t changed in that regard, he came to a realization last year that on any given day…anybody can win. It may sound obvious, but it took us the better part of last year to really realize that. Jared wrestled at 160 lbs. That’s kind of the tipping point in High School wrestling. Any weights under that are populated by the “smaller guys” who tend to be pretty fast and there’s lots and lots of action. Points are scored in flurries. Sometimes the matches change from one leading to the other several times in a matter of seconds. Above 160 lbs, the matches tend to be a bit slower and more deliberate. Points are usually score more slowly, and there’s tons and tons of brute force power on display. At the lower weight classes it’s often about speed. But right in the middle sits the 160 lb weight class. These kids are linebackers and running backs on their football teams. They are shortstops and catchers in baseball. They are sprinters and jumpers in track and field. They are all-around athletes, and look every bit like Adonis. They are a mixture of speed and strength with healthy doses of a competitive spirit shared with all wrestlers.
As luck would have it, Jared tended to draw wrestlers who had amazing records. Since last year was his first year wrestling varsity, he didn’t have a record to start the year. This often put him seeded far down the list. The upshot was the he was wrestling the highest rated wrestlers at the beginning of the day at two-day tournaments. He wrestled kids who had never been beaten in High School. Three years without losing a match. One kid had never wrestled into the third of three periods. He had either pinned his opponents or scored so many points that a Technical Knockout was called (wrestling’s equivalent of the mercy rule).
The funny thing was, Jared didn’t care. Everytime he stepped on the mat, all he saw was another wrestler. A kid, not unlike himself, who needed to prove that he was the better guy on the mat. Lots of parents and wrestlers know all about their opponents. They know their strengths and weaknesses. They know their style. Heck, sometimes they know the entire family and group of supporters who surround their opponent. But Jared didn’t, and he had very little need to know that. Why, because he truly believe that on any given day he could win. He never doubted it. His opponent was just another wrestler, and since he was human, he could be beaten.
During one match, his opponent had never been beaten in 56 matches. He’d never gone to the third period. He looked the part of the stud, and he carried himself like a champion. He expected to win, and frankly expected his opponents to bend to his will. While he wasn’t arrogant, he had an expectation that his record preceded him, and his reputation was worth something. He even commented that he was unbeaten in high school when he and Jared were warming up just prior to their match. Jared filed that away and went to work.
For three two-minute periods the two wrestled. The leads changed hands several times. Never more than two points ahead, the two mostly traded one-point exchanges. In a sport where every second counts and every little bit of energy might lead to a point, these two were evenly matched. At the very end of the third period in regulation time, they were tied. So the first overtime period began. Overtime in wrestling is a mixture of first to score wins as well as timed periods. They battled through the first overtime. Then the second. Then the third. Each period between 30 and 60 seconds, depending on what period it was. Fourth period…still tied. Fifth, the same. The sixth period they both scored, but remained tied. The seventh period was a bit different and allows for one wrestler, based on a coin flip to start in a position that allows him to just hold on for the win. Matches seldom get to this point, but this one did.
This isn’t the Cinderella story that you might have been hoping for. The first year varsity wrestler didn’t make an amazing move to win the match. Confetti didn’t fall from the ceiling as the Star Spangled Banner played with the crowd rising to their feet in adulation.
Two sweating and exhausted wrestlers arose from the mat and stood on either side of the referee. Jared’s opponent had his hand raised in victory by the ref, while Jared watched. Immediately after that the two wrestlers embraced, and then shook hands with the coaches. The unbeaten wrestler had maintained his record and Jared lost.
But in reality, he won. The match was so crazy and unexpected that a fairly large proportion of the people in the gym watched it. Here was this kid from out of nowhere taking one of the best know wrestlers in the state to seven periods! Afterwards coaches, fans, and other wrestlers gave both wrestlers their congratulations. There was a tone of awe in some of the comments people made to Jared. His opponents coach later told us that he’d never seen his kid scared and pushed so hard. A couple months later, at the State meet, that same coach said that his wrestler had gone back to the wrestling gym and trained like he’d never trained before. His reason, he was worried that he would have to face Jared again, and then next time the outcome might be different.
So it’s kind of funny, both wrestlers learned that on any given day anybody can step up and win. I often forget that in the hectic life that I’m leading. The day-to-day tasks that need to be done often drag me down and keep me from seeing the progress that I’ve made, the goals that I’ve set, or the future that I’m working towards. But every once in a while I have a moment to reflect, and the idea that I can win creeps in. Those are the days when I take my day and wrestle it into the shape that I want. I take control and I’m better for it.
So today is your day, what are you going to do to become a winner?
