I didn’t grow up in a big family. In fact, I grew up in the standard issue family from the 1960’s and 1970’s…one boy, one girl, two parents. We even had a couple of dogs and a couple cats. House in the far out suburbs of Chicago. Dad went into work everyday and Mom was (mostly) a stay-at-home mom. At dinner time, the four of us sat down at the table and the conversations were controlled, respectful, and everyone shared the focus at different times. When we scheduled a family outing, it took a couple minutes. Then everyone got their coats, neatly hung in the front closet, and we were out the door immediately.

Life’s not like that anymore for me. A couple of days ago, Hectic-22 (Boulder, CO edition…in contrast to Rochester, MN edition…they are my twin 22 y.o. daughters) posted a link to the 25 Things People With 5+ Siblings Know to be True in our family Facebook group. Yeah, we have a private group for our family because airing all our weirdness on the public side of Facebook kind of freaked out some of our friends. It also overwhelmed some other friends, since we have a tendency to get going and can’t stop without making a hundred inside joke references and references to movies and songs ad infinitum (that’s Latin for a crap load btw).

As I read through the list, it dawned on me that my kids have grown up in an entirely different family than I did. I like to think that my wife and I are the hub of our nuclear family, but in reality, we’re just two of the ten+ electrons and protons orbiting a much more nebulous nucleus. Lost in the metaphor yet, don’t worry, it’ll get worse!

As the kids have grown older, they’ve moved to far-away places for work and school. They’ve left for months at a time, and a couple have moved away for good. We’ve had kids scattered across the globe from the UK to Argentina, from Sweden to Chile, from Italy to Antartica. They’ve had extended travel to Spain, Morocco, Turkey, Ireland, Belize, France, and Germany. We’ve gone months without being able to contact one of them. Oddly, he was in the US doing Army training. When Hectic-22 (Rochester) was in Antartica, the cell phone reception was amazing. Same for Chile and Argentina. Hectic-25 was in Italy and she might as well have been on the Moon…not an easy place to receive a call from.

As they’ve moved away, they haven’t really missed out on the family thing though. With all the forms of social media, ubiquitous cell phone coverage (except for that Italy hiccup) our off-continent family members have been just as much in the thick of things as the kids sitting across the table from me.

And that analogy of electrons orbiting the nucleus holds up really well. There are times when some members are closer than others. There are alliances that develop due to proximity. And there are disputes because a couple of us are too close. Friction arises, and then it dissipates. And through it all, we share a ton of experiences.

I’ll be honest, my kids don’t call home enough. They don’t e-mail enough. We get a couple of big here’s my life in a nutshell e-mails every year from one or more of the kids. It’s their attempt to make sure that everybody has a tiny clue as to what their life has been like for a while. Then we’ll be in a virtual blackout mode, from a substantive standpoint, regarding communication. It’s not something malicious. Life is busy for everybody, and honestly I’m just as guilty about not updating the rest of the family as to what I’m doing.

 But then, out of the blue, one of us will post something in the Facebook private group. Or in the family text chat. Or send a group Snapchat. And it’s like there’s been no gap in communication. No void whatsoever. A photo of a clergyman in full regalia from the UK got the entire bunch of us quoting The Princess Bride. It was all over in under half an hour, but the exchange encapsulated how easy it is for all of us to pick up right where we left off. It’s just how we are as a family. All sorts of inside jokes and forms of communication.

Things that were so small at the time have crept into our family vocabulary. For example, years ago, when the twins were much younger cell phones were very rare and expensive. They used the house phone to talk to their friends, and because we had phones that could do it, they picked up two cordless phones and could both be on the phone with a third friend simultaneously. Of course, those pre-teen conversations weren’t fit for adult ears. One day, while while the girls were on a joint call, I walked into the room. One of the girls said “guacamole”, and they both went silent. It was funny at the time, but nothing special. Nothing of great enormity. Just a funny word to get everybody’s attention and to pause the conversation. Fast forward 12 years and when one of the kids wants to warn everybody that prying ears are just around the corner, they say “guacamole”. Everybody laughs, but the conversation stops until the all clear is given.

It’s those little inside jokes and communication shortcuts that make this our family a blast to be part of. And an exclusive club, too. Even as the kids have moved out of the house and to far flung corners of the country, or the globe, we’ve managed to keep the lines of communication alive.

The holidays provide us with opportunities to overload on family time, and I’m glad for every minute of it. If you’re part of a large family, you understand what I’m talking about. If you’re not, there’s no way to really explain it. You just have to live it to comprehend all the nuances of a large family.

Honestly, I wouldn’t trade it for the world!

No matter the size of your family, or how far-flung you are, take a moment to reconnect. Rejoice in your inside jokes. Use your communication shortcuts. Have a laugh together.

Make it a great day!

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