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Kids are gross!

Parenting

Kids in Mud039I love my kids. I have to open with that, because the following list contains so many reasons why I hate some of the things they do. Most of them are well beyond the ages that typically exhibit these behaviors, but I still remember those days clearly. Very, very clearly.

While not a completely comprehensive list of all the gross things that kids do, this is a pretty good start. I’ve categorized the infractions because it was easier that way.

Gross Things Kids Do

Boogers & Snot

  • Eating their boogers
  • Wiping their boogers on their sleeve
  • Wiping their boogers on their siblings
  • Wiping their boogers on the furniture. At your Mother’s. Right in front of her.
  • Licking away snot
  • Blowing snot bubbles. On purpose. At church.
  • Wiping their nose with their sleeve
  • Handing you a used Kleenex

Peeing & Pooping

  • Yelling “come look” from the bathroom
  • Dropping toys in the toilet, then begging for retrieval
  • Peeing in public pools
  • Peeing in private pools
  • Peeing in the tub
  • Pretty much peeing anywhere but the toilet
  • Announcing they have to pee
  • Grabbing their crotch when they have to pee
  • Doing the pee dance
  • Peeing on the toilet seat. Corollary, announcing to the world that somebody peed on the toilet seat
  • Pooping in the tub
  • Pooping in every form of pool. Anywhere. Then announcing it.
  • Waiting until the diaper is off to poop. Corollary, waiting a tad longer and filling the clean diaper before leaving the changing table
  • Forgetting to flush

Eating

  • Eating dirt
  • Eating bugs
  • Backwashing in your drink, especially in a container where you can’t see it. On the other hand, seeing it is grosser
  • Playing with food
  • Eating Play-Doh
  • Spitting out a mouthful of food because “I don’t like it”
  • Eating crumbs from their carseats
  • Eating stuff off the ground
  • Chewing with their mouth open
  • Playing “see food” (OK, that one is purely my fault. I still think it’s hilarious, especially behind my wife’s back)

Bodily Functions

  • Announcing their farts
  • Burping, then burping on command
  • Vomiting at the most inconvenient times

Simply Gross Habits

  • Chewing on hair
  • Giving wet willies
  • Chewing their fingernails. Extra points for chewing their toenails.
  • Handing their trash to the adults around them
  • Dropping mounds of toothpaste everywhere
  • French kissing the dog, then demand a kiss from you
  • Peeling their scabs
  • Coughing & sneezing on everyone else
  • Playing in mud
Best of Worst The Dad Network Mums' Days Dad Post of the Week Modern Dad Pages
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7 thoughts on “Kids are gross!”

  1. haha I was laughing at this one. Then a bit worried as I like to pick scabs. My daughter has started eating her bogies and I have no clue where she got this from. It’s like they are born with an innate urge to eat the green slimey things. GROSS! Thanks so much for linking up with #bestandworst and see you again soon xxx

  2. Totally with you on most of these!! We also have long group discussions on what they have produced in the toilet looks like! #bestandworst

  5. My 8yo can be really disgusting at times. Pretty much most of what’s on your list, he has done. Except for playing in the mud. He is oddly not into the mud and I actually like the mud. Go figure. Great post! Thanks for sharing on
    #effitfriday

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