“You’re doing it wrong. Just let me!” 

If I had a penny for every time I said that as the kids were growing up, I’d be rich. Hi, I’m Jeff and I’m a micromanager. 

There, I admitted it, now leave me alone and let me do everything because if you want to get something done, you have to do it yourself. 

I know, I know, it’s a stupid thing to believe and it’s damaging to both myself and everybody around me. But honestly, it’s a hard habit to shake. I have to work really hard to delegate tasks to other people. Every time I delegate a task, I have a certain methodology in mind of how that task should be accomplished. If I have to watch the task being done and it doesn’t fit my mental model…I struggle to not step in and take it back. But in reality, that’s not delegation. 

The definition of delegation from the Merriam-Webster dictionary makes it crystal clear where I’ve gone wrong. The definition says the act of empowering to act for another. It doesn’t say anything about performing tasks in a particular way. That word empowering is where I drop the ball. Most of the time when I ask someone to do a task for me, I’m asking them to act like my clone. To mirror the way I would do something. Rather than focusing on the outcome, I focus on the path to that achievement. Then when I steal the task back I’ve wasted everybody’s time. Rather than leveraging off of the other person’s efforts I’ve belittled them and I’ve slowed myself down. 

Stupid, stupid, stupid. 

Like I said, it’s a really hard habit to break, but I’m trying. The first part in my journey to delegate better has been to recognize when I’m kind of letting go. Every time I ask somebody to do something, I try to stop thinking about the task. Or at least stop thinking about the task itself. I whisper to myself “it’ll get done when it gets done”. I’ve worked hard to focus on the task I’m working on so that I can’t micromanage the delegated task or person. And I try really hard to not watch the person I’ve delegated to. 

It’s been a huge struggle, and I’m still failing more than I’m succeeding. I battle my desire to explain how the task should be done. How it could be done better. How there’s a singularly efficient way to achieve the result I want. I often have a raging battle inside of me to check up on their progress. But that’s the core of the problem! 

What I need to do is to learn to truly let go. To simply give a task away and be overjoyed when I receive the result. The way the task is done is usually unimportant. And even on those occasions when it matters…if I let the other person do things their way they might learn something. Over time, I’m learning that if I truly let go, the other person will be willing to ask questions if they need help…especially if there is no fear that I’ll steal the task back.

In fact, Hectic Grandson has learned that my new approach means he’s going to have to do the task no matter what. You see, he’d discovered that if I gave him a task and he didn’t want to do it, all he had to do was ask a few questions about how to do the task. I would get exasperated and say, “you go off and play, I’ll just do it myself”. It turned out my darling grandson had learned how to manipulate me into getting the result he wanted. In an odd way, just like regifting, he was redelegating the task back to me. 

He’s five and has figured out how to delegate better than I have! 

His example has actually given me a lot of strength to really let go. I’m doing a much better job of not stepping in when things aren’t going right for him. I’m available to provide guidance, but only if he asks or he’s in danger. And frankly, there isn’t much that I delegate that could put him in danger. So I’m waiting for him to ask for help…if he chooses to. If he doesn’t, then I’ll accept the result. If it’s not what I wanted for the result, then I have to accept that it’s my fault for not explaining properly. If it’s not what I need and I feel like I clearly explained what the result was, then we have a heart-to-heart and correct the problem. 

The funny thing is, he’s now asking a lot more questions when I delegate to him. He’s not afraid to ask, nor does he work under the assumption that I’ll take the task back. Rather, he’s asking so that he can provide the result I want with as little effort as possible. In a way, that’s really smart. He doesn’t want to waste his precious time any more than I do. He’s very willing to help out, but doesn’t want to do more work than necessary. Not in a bad way, but in a very mature way. 

Who would’ve thought I’d learn how to delegate from a five year-old?