Yesterday at lunch, Hectic Mom and I were marveling at the societal freak-out that was going on about impending weather. Looking outside, it was overcast, but there was no hint of precipitation. It was moderately cold, but not bitter. There was virtually no wind, a rarity in Kansas. In general it was a benign, Winter day. 

While sitting at lunch we’d gotten notifications that the High School basketball game had been postponed for two days. There were closings already creeping into the radio news. And my Dark Sky weather app was predicting snow would begin falling in 8 minutes. 

As she walked out the door, we had a hearty laugh at how much everyone was over-reacting. 

That was 1:04pm 

By 1:45pm when I left to pickup Hectic Grandson from pre-school, I opted not to stop at the bank because the roads were already a slick with snow. We’d gotten nearly an inch in that time, and it was coming down hard and fast. Nothing that this ole boy from Northern Illinois couldn’t handle, but why risk it? That turned out to be a good decision! 

45 minutes later, as we departed the school, the roads were a sluggish Hell. The issue is, there are three kinds of drivers in Kansas weather: 

• Geniuses: A very tiny percentage who can handle the weather, but still retain their driving skills.
  
• Snails: A large percentage that go overboard with caution…endangering everyone else on the roads as they crawl at a snail’s pace, often getting stuck or stranded.
  
• Bats out of Hell: A moderate percentage who apparently cannot see there’s been a change to road conditions, and drive like bats out of Hell. They are the ones who hit the snails, causing numerous accidents.
  

I like to think of myself as a Genius, but who doesn’t? My claim was backed up when Hectic Grandson asked why some people were going so slowly and others were driving like maniacs. Let’s face it, if the five year-old can figure it out…why can’t licensed drivers? 

But there we were, in the midst something resembling a NASCAR race. Under normal conditions it takes 10-12 minutes to get from the school back to my house. It’s an easy drive and there’s nothing to worry about. Easy, peasy. 

At least normally. 

Yesterday was definitely the exception. It took nearly 30 minutes to make it halfway across town so I could stop at the bank. The lot was a mess, and I slipped and slid into the drive-through teller lane. Without reasonably good driving skills I’m not sure I could’ve made it to the window. The plows would be out soon, and the lot would be cleared, but our approach was fraught with difficulty. 

Once back on the road, we encountered an even mixture of Snails and Bats. We saw two cars that had run off the street…in a freaking neighborhood. There was also ample evidence that somebody had missed a turn on that same neighborhood street and driven through four front yards before regaining the street! Seriously people, it wasn’t that bad. Just a little snow. 

OK, maybe the snow was coming down too fast for most folks. Heck, we were just over two hours into the storm and hovering close to three inches of accumulation. But it’s not like we’ve never had snow here. People should know better. 

Of course, I’ve been claiming that for all my adult life, so I guess I’m the one who’s confused! 

We finally got to the turn off for Hectic Manor and the real fun began. Back in late October I spent part of a day placing reflector poles down our driveway. I do this every year, to the jeers and jabs from my family. They simply don’t see the need. They laugh at my expense, telling me I over-prepare for everything. Now, with moral superiority, I drove down the driveway between the poles…because you couldn’t see where the drive was in the even coating of snow. I dropped Hectic Grandson and my daughter at the house, and decided I would drive up and down the 1/4 mile track a couple more times so it would be easier to traverse. The only harrowing part was having to get out on the road to turn around. The Snails and Bats were still going at it, making the turnaround supremely difficult. 

But I did my thing and there were now distinct tracks down the drive…easy enough to follow. 

A couple hours later, as the snow continued to fall at a pace exceeding an inch an hour, I made another couple passes over the driveway. Then I decided to make tracks for Hectic Mom so it would be easier for her to park in the garage. I got stuck on the drive during that foray, but my daughter came out and did yeoman’s work at the steering wheel and gas pedal while I pushed until the car could gain traction. She had quite the learning experience. But we succeeded at getting the car unstuck. 

Because I didn’t want to risk having the car in her way when Hectic Mom got home, I opted to approach the accumulated snow the old fashioned way…with a shovel. 

Since there was no wind, and the snow was absorbing a lot of sound, I could clearly hear the cars on the road a 1/4 mile away. Fortunately, the snow wasn’t very compact and moved easily. I made short work of the shoveling…completing the last few passes just as I heard Hectic Mom’s car pull off the road. I stood at the ready to push her the last few feet (where my car had gotten stuck), but there was no need. She was into the garage without a hitch. 

As the evening wore on, the calls and notifications started pouring in with cancellations. So we hunkered down and relaxed. 

The call from the High School came early in the evening…there was no school. We had anticipated that, so it was somewhat anti-climactic. But it’s always cause for celebration among the teenage set when school is canceled. 

Facing a day cooped up at home with Hectic Daughter and Hectic Grandson, all I could think was: 

Why do bad things happen to good parents? 

What had I done to deserve being trapped in the house with two overly energetic kiddos? Why was I being punished?

It’s all in good fun, I love spending time with them…but seriously, I don’t remember getting nearly as many snow days when I was a kid. We lived in a part of the country where inch-an-hour snow was a regular occurrence. We had to trudge through the stuff from the car or bus…and were usually soaked as we sat at our wooden desks. I remember those dirty puddles forming under everyone’s feet…turning the tiled floor into a skating rink. Remember the song Danger Zone…that clearly described what it was like to try and walk across the elementary classroom floor on a snowy day. 

So pray for me on this snow day. Keep me in mind as you enjoy your temperate weather. Know that I’m chasing two wild hooligans throughout the house and trying to get them to calm down. 

Maybe I’ll just send them outside to play in the snow since it’ll be entirely gone in a couple of day!