I’m really good at doling out advice. Sometimes I give advice when people ask. I talk to them about their situation, explore all the issues, and create a solution that fits their situation exactly. At other times I offer my advice unsolicited. Just ask my kids…I’m world class at giving out advice even when it isn’t asked for. But in both those cases, I’m looking from the outside. I can see things that the other person can’t. It’s easy to do, when you’re an outside observer. Things seem so obvious.
What’s a lot more difficult is seeing the same things in yourself. It’s hard to look inward and see what advice you need to hear. Often it’s because we don’t want to hear the advice. I mean, why fix what isn’t broken? If you don’t acknowledge that something is broken, then you don’t have to address it. Am I right?
But that’s where things get sticky. We can’t see things that are broken within ourselves. At least I can’t see what’s broken in me. And sometimes broken doesn’t mean totally non-functioning. It could be a habit that’s less effective than it could be. Or something that could be a lot better if I would just think my way through it. But when you have to look in the mirror and face facts…it’s hard.
Really, really hard!
Personally I don’t like to admit my faults. I want to be perfect, and I’ll often ignore telltale signs that something’s not right just to uphold that illusion for myself. It’s obvious to other people, but I won’t see it. This has gone on for years in some cases. In a way, it’s kind of funny…but from another viewpoint it’s kind of pathetic. That’s partly why I started to write this blog. Over the years I’ve gathered a lot of wisdom. At times it came easily but at other times I had to be bopped on the head, several times, before the wisdom sunk in. But all that wisdom was just gathering dust in my head. I shared some of it with family and friends, but honestly they were getting a little tired of my being a know-it-all, no matter how relevant the wisdom.
So I started writing this blog to share my wisdom with others. And sometimes to share it with myself. I’ve often written posts as a reminder of things that I’ve learned and then forgotten. I write about things that are close to me because that’s what I know. The posts where I’m telling people things are easy for me to write. My fingers fly across the keyboard and the prose flows freely. Yet other times, I’m writing more to myself. That’s when things get difficult. I struggle for the words. I write, delete, write some more, edit, and engage in a battle to say exactly what I want to say. Posts will sit for days, sometimes weeks, as I try to craft them into a message that resonates. The problem is, those are the posts that are usually supposed to resonate with me. They contain something that I need to hear. A bit of advice from wise me to the dumb me.
And I don’t want to hear that advice.
So I struggle. I battle. I edit the post to within an inch of its life. Carving up bits and pieces. Rearranging the words. Hacking with a machete and intricately slicing with a scalpel. I’ll sweat over the message, bleed over the tone, and generally put everything I have into the post. Then I’ll post it to the blog, and more often than not…ignore it.
And that’s the key word…supposedly.
I’m too close to myself. I’m standing inches from the mirror without the ability to look at myself in any sort of objective manner. I see what I want to see and no more. I’ll hear the advice from other folks, but I won’t listen. I’ll even dole out advice to other people whether in person or via the blog…but my listening ear is turned off. I don’t even listen to myself.
Frankly, it’s taken me a long, long time to come to this conclusion. I’ve had to endure a lot of painful experiences over and over where the same lesson has been provided…and I’ve failed to learn. Like dozens of times. But apparently I’m a slow learner. And stubborn. And even arrogant at times. Current me seems to think he knows better than both past me and future me. Yet time and time again I’m proven wrong.
So I’m not really writing this post for you, dear reader. I’m writing it to myself.
I’m writing this post as a reminder that I need to listen to all the advice that’s out there. I need to really listen to it, take it in, and mix it together with all the rest of the advice. It doesn’t matter if it comes from my Mom, my kids, my friends, or strangers. Heck, the advice could come from me via way of a blog post, self talk, or a reminder that I wrote years ago. No matter the source, I need to pour it into the cauldron of my brain and let it simmer with the rest. Slowly but surely I’ll be able to distill a magical elixir from that cauldron. A way to live my life that is based on sound principles without the blinders that have covered my eyes for so long.
So to future me…read this and take your own advice! Listen to people. Really, truly, and honestly listen. Don’t rush to conclusions, race to judgments, or close your ears. Take everything in. Then let it sit in your brain for a while.
Who knows, there may be some good advice there…even from yourself!
