The youngest member of the Hectic Clan’s first generation, Colleen, has entered her teen years. She’s somewhat of an old soul, so the transition has been much easier than for most of the other kids. Frankly, it’s been pretty much painless. At least thus far.

Over the past few months, I’ve been thinking about this milestone. Coming so quickly after entering middle school, there was the double-whammy of no more elementary school kids, and now no more pre-teens…at least not in this generation. Somedays Hectic Grandson definitely acts the part of a pre-teen. Gonna be a long bunch of years with him, but that’s for another day. This is about our last first-gen teen.

This go-round I was thinking about what it means to be an example for our newly minted teenager. There are so many experiences that I want her to not have to endure. I want her to learn from my experiences without having to go through the pain that was required. I’ve caught myself saying “Why can’t you just learn from my experiences so many times over the years”. Stupid, I know…but that hasn’t stopped me.

Having several of the kids in their mid-twenties, I know that she’ll make it out of the tunnel of the teenage years relatively unscathed and ready to learn from me. But being a family leader during the teen years is hard. Our kids don’t want to learn from our examples nor follow our lead during this time. They want to forge their own path, no matter how painful it is for me as the parent to watch. They need to experience a certain amount of pain to gain the commensurate learning.

That doesn’t keep me from wishing that I could be a better guide. I desperately want to be a guiding light through the darker days, and a sounding board on the good ones. Yet, this isn’t my first teenager rodeo. I know that I’ve suddenly lost all credibility as a reference source. I used to be the go-to guy for information, a fount of knowledge. I was the most reliable source that she had for most topical areas. Heck, I was the person she asked when she wanted to beat her older siblings at Trivia Crack! That was pretty much the measure of social credibility during her pre-teen years. But those times have evaporated.

Sure, she’s still the sweet youngest member of our family, but I’ve seen the signs of teenage creeping in. The sideways looks when I answer an question unbidden, the questioning glances to other family members when one of my statements seems a bit off base, and even the rolled eyes (OMG, not the rolled teenage eyes!) when I appear totally out of touch. We’re just beginning the journey through the terrible teens…I know.

But I do have the advantage that this is my 8th trip through those same years as a parent. I won’t pin the Expert Badge on my chest, but I do feel like I have a little bit of knowledge that I can apply this time around. Just knowing that some days will be filled with rolled eyes, and some will be filled with the request for hugs when somebody else is the one being a jerk gives me solace. I know that I’ll have occasions to be her hero still, and I’m going to be prepared for them.

I also know that being there is the biggest part of my job. I just need to sit back in the shadows and wait until she comes to me. I can’t force my knowledge on her. I can’t make her learn from my tough times. She has to make the journey herself. But I can be there when she has an emotional setback. Or a physical one. In either case, I can be there to talk. Or I can be there as the sounding board. Or as the verbal punching bag when she needs to vent her anger at somebody. Frankly, better me than somebody else.

Maddie will become a 20-something in January and that will leave just Lance (16) and Colleen (13) in the teen years. In a funny way, I’m geared up to enjoy those years. They will continue to be terrible teens in their own unique ways, but these are the last two that I’ll experience those years as a Dad.

At this point, I think I’m ready…but you may need to check back in 7 years or so.