Every time my wife’s family got together, my father-in-law would ask if there were any family announcements. Impending marriages, births, graduations, and similar events were announced to the entire family. The accomplishments and life changes were always celebrated by everyone. As a former politician, we would then call for quiet and wait to make his speech. It was pretty much the same every year. He would acknowledge the life changes and welcome any visitors to our group. He would note those who weren’t at the gathering, and mourn the passing of any members who would never join us again. And he would close with a phrase that has stuck with all of us. In his very distinctive way, he would say,

Never again will this same group of people be together,
and let me tell you, this is one AMAZING Group!

Take a look at your family as it is today. It will never be exactly the same family ever again. Ever.

I don’t mean that you’ll necessarily add or subtract members. When those changes happen, it’s obvious that the family isn’t the same. But there are many, many other changes that happen so slowly, so subtly that they aren’t noticed until well after the fact…if at all.

That’s kind of weird to think about.

With eight kids ranging in age from 25 to 12, we’ve seen a lot of change in our immediate family. It’s much more apparent at the holidays than at any other time, usually because we tend to get together in a larger unit than we normally do. This year was especially interesting because for the first time in three or four years, all eight of the kids were home. Mind you, they were all under one roof for barely 12 hours, but I’m taking that as a win. Work and school schedules pulled at three of the kids sufficiently that they really had to make a huge effort to coordinate their schedules for that one half-day.

What was most interesting to me was the way the family dynamics existed during that time. We were back to “normal” for what life had been for much of the last 12 years. Conversations, dinner rolls, and snarky comments were flying about the room. While we had set meal times, consumption of food didn’t really seem to stop, and there was always a group gathered around the table.

The conversations were far ranging, but you’ll never hear much about popular culture in our house. We did have a protracted discussion about the benefits of consuming full-sugar sports drinks over their sugar-free competitors. The discussion dove into the conversion of ATP, cell pathways, and a slew of other subjects that were far over my head. About all I could offer was that, as a diabetic, I’m kind of stuck with the sugar-free varieties. That was fairly quickly shot down. They even brought in a whiteboard to diagram part of the explanation. It might sound boring to you, but it was fascinating. More importantly, the kids were into it, from our youngest all the way through our oldest.

The other dynamic that was fascinating to observe were the various relationships between the kids. Our four oldest girls are four years apart. In the middle of those four are a pair of twins. The three oldest have graduated college, and the fourth is a Junior in college. The dynamic between those four has always been fascinating, but now with the college and work experiences to share, they have even more to talk about. None of them went to school in Kansas, so they have social experiences from Indiana, Iowa, Colorado, New York/New Jersey, and Maine on the domestic side accompanied by extended periods where they lived and worked in Chile, Argentina, Belize, the UK, France, Sweden, Antarctica, Spain, and Morocco. Needless to say, they have some crazy-interesting life experiences that they share with each other whenever they’re together.

The next four kids have a flexible dynamic that’s equally interesting to observe. Our oldest son graduated High School in May and completed U.S. Army Basic Training and AIT in December. He’s ready to go off to college and then pursue a career in the Army. The next one in line is a High School Senior who’s ready to head off to the University of Kansas in the Fall to pursue her lifelong dream of being a teacher. The two of them have always been very close, and after 26 weeks in Army training, it’s been a long time since they were able to really interact. They’ve grabbed this short opportunity while he’s home (he’s off to college on January 9th) to really reconnect. The next two in line have always been the “youngest boy” and “youngest girl”. They have fascinating relationships with their older siblings, and this break has afforded them the opportunity to grow those relationships.

It’s been a joy to watch, with a tinge of sadness.

As I was watching the craziness last Sunday when everyone was here, I reveled in the fact that they are all growing into such amazing people. They aren’t little kids anymore, with several of them tipping the scales as accomplished adults. They’ve embraced their new roles with gusto, and are succeeding beyond my wildest imagination. The other kids have seen those examples and are working hard to not only emulate them, but succeed in their own way. Everybody has a path, and they’re all working their way along their own paths…using each other as reference points.

In the middle of all the activity is our first member of the next generation, Hectic Grandson. Despite the fact that he’s just 10 months old, he has quite the personality. Honestly, he’s a celebrity in the Hectic Household. Everyone wants to hold him, play with him, and generally be around him. It’s been amazing to watch each of my kids interact with their nephew and each has built a unique relationship with him. He certainly hasn’t lacked for attention this holiday season.

I don’t know what future holidays will look like. I don’t know who will be able to make it home to celebrate, and I don’t know what our schedules will look like. As the consummate planner, I used to fret about the next visit, the next holiday, and concentrate on the next time we would all be able to get together. But this time around I’ve changed my focus. I’ve concentrated on enjoying this break with the Hectic Family. I’ve reveled in the conversations about biomes and Legos; Christmas ornaments and carburetors; bacon versus sausage for breakfast; and the virtues of living in different parts of the US and abroad. It’s been a fascinating time, and while I’m saddened that it’s coming to a close when a majority of the kids will be home…we’ve managed to all reconnect. We’ve recharged our batteries and our relationships. We’re all ready for the next phase of life.

While we don’t know when we’ll all be in the same place, at the same time, we do know that we’re always going to be together.

And that makes me smile.

So take a look at your family and enjoy being with them today. Know that it won’t be the exact same family the next time you’re together, but take comfort that it’s OK.

Make it a great day, folks. It’s up to you!