A friend of mine shared an article on Facebook with me. She’s and educator, and while I’m not a formal teacher in a school, I like to consider myself an essential part of my kids’ educational team. The focus of the article is about the difference between praise for intelligence and praise for effort. The article focuses on the idea that if we praise our kids for intelligence, then the lesson they learn is that some things are going to be outside their ability to achieve. Since I tongue-in-cheek use the motto, “Given enough time, effort, and money anything is possible”, I’m definitely of the opinion that anything is achievable. By anybody. Period. No qualifications.
This may be a somewhat idealistic view of the world, but if somebody will put in the work, then they can definitely achieve vastly more than even they believe possible. Does that mean it’s likely that I will run a 4-minute mile. Honestly, no. But the reason is that I won’t do all the things necessary to achieve that goal. And frankly, it’s because I haven’t really made it a goal. But do I believe that it’s possible. You betcha!
So back to the article in question…what does praising our kids for intelligence rather than effort do? According to the researchers, it places them at risk of blaming outside sources for their outcomes. This is dangerous territory. If we don’t control things in our lives, or if we feel that we’re at the mercy of outside forces, each of us can become subject to a victim mentality.
On the other hand, if we praise our kids for effort, then they develop the idea that their effort matters. They learn that they can achieve seemingly insurmountable goals if they’d with willing to put in the work.
So on they one hand, we have kids who have limits that they cannot control. They are “smart”, “average”, or even “dumb”. No matter what they do, they are stuck with hard ceilings that limit their potential. Among the smartest kids, there is always somebody smarter. If we praise intelligence, then even the brightest child will find somebody who is smarter. If intelligence is the limiting factor, then our bright youngster will still feel like a potential failure compared to the relative genius she is comparing herself to.
In my opinion, that’s pretty sad.
In another article, I discovered the existence of the Dunning-Kruger effect. This is a situation where very talented and accomplished individuals have a tendency to downgrade their own performance. On the other end of the spectrum, those who are less accomplished tend to over-state their capabilities and performance.
So I got to thinking…what if these two situations are layered on top of each other. Let’s say we praise really intelligent kids for their intelligence (not their effort). Then these kids encounter a difficult problem. The solution may well be within their grasp, but the prior praise causes them to give up before they reach the solution because they perceive task as “too hard”. Furthermore, their application of the Dunning-Kruger effect causes them to doubt their abilities…making future problem solving attempts much more difficult.
On the other hand, let’s say that our averagely intelligent kids were praised for their efforts. They internalize the concept that effort always pays off. They also believe (using the Dunning-Kruger effect) that they are more accomplished than they really, objectively are. Could this explain why apparently average, normal folks achieve so much whereas some of the most intelligent and gifted among us don’t.
Imagine how much could be achieved by the most gifted and intelligent if we focused on praising their effort and not just their intelligence. It’s surely something to think about!
